Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why was the teacher cross-eyed?
Because she couldn’t control her pupils.
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her.
Waiter Waiter! There’s a fly in my soup.
Good. We’ve been trying to kill it for ages.
Waiter waiter, there’s a fly in my soup?
It’s OK sir, we won’t charge you extra for it.
Waiter Waiter. What’s this fly doing in my soup?
It looks like the breaststroke sir.
Waiter waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! Take it away!
Of course. Would you like me to leave the fly?
What do you get if you put a dog in a microwave?
A hot dog.
What is brown and sticky?
What is black and white and read all over?
What is black and white and red all over?
A penguin in a blender.
Don’t cry. It’s only me.
What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur’s dog?
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m changing!
What did the fish say after it swum into a wall?
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
Doctor Doctor, I feel I am invisible.
Who said that?!
What did the judge say to the dentist?
Do you promise to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?
Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers?
In case they get a hole-in-one.
What do you call a sheep with no legs and no head?
Student: Can I go to the toilet?
Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet.
Teacher: Where’s the pee?
Student: Half way down my leg now.